I started this blog with the intentions of using it to explain the wonderful and kind heart of my brother Corey. On September 21, 2012, my brother wrecked his car and died…completely unexpectedly…and without a warning…at the age of 24. I thought my life couldn’t get any worse. I use this blog to explain my feelings, to ramble, to chatter about him…about how I feel…about how I felt with him and how lost I am without him.
I say things on this blog that I probably shouldn’t. I’m completely open about my grieving process and at times, realize that my dark and twisted side is showing a little too much for other people’s comfort. However, for some reason…I keep writing. It’s liberating to me, and it’s strange. I’m a closed person. I don’t sit and talk about my grief to people. I don’t like hugs, and I have very questionable thoughts about sympathy.
I was just starting to get back on my feet and my posts were becoming few and far between, along with my moments of feeling completely paralyzed by the loss of Corey. I was, and still am in no way okay without him….but I was starting to live again.
Then….on February 10, 2013, only four and half months later…my Daddy, age 45 (four days after his birthday) suffered a massive heart attack and died. Once again, I got no warning. No preparation…and this time. I’m starting my grieving process at only about 50% strength.
I’ve lost half of my immediate family and the two most important men in my life in less than 6 months. I’m hateful. I’m mad. I’m withdrawn. I’m most negative emotions.
I’m also blessed though. I have literally the worlds greatest family. My Mommy, Uncles, Aunts, cousins…they’re amazing. I have friends that aren’t just friends…they’re my family too, and I have a community that I can feel standing behind me even though I’m screaming to be alone.
It’s all quite confusing to be honest….to be so broken..and so blessed…at the same time…but…it’s my life. Pitiful and glorious all at once.
February 1, 1988- September 21, 2012
February 6, 1968- February 10, 2013