Hi. I’m Corey Queen’s sister & Jeff Queen’s little girl.

I started this blog with the intentions of using it to explain the wonderful and kind heart of my brother Corey.  On September 21, 2012, my brother wrecked his car and died…completely unexpectedly…and without a warning…at the age of 24. I thought my life couldn’t get any worse. I use this blog to explain my feelings, to ramble, to chatter about him…about how I feel…about how I felt with him and how lost I am without him.

I say things on this blog that I probably shouldn’t. I’m completely open about my grieving process and at times, realize that my dark and twisted side is showing a little too much for other people’s comfort.  However, for some reason…I keep writing.  It’s liberating to me, and it’s strange.  I’m a closed person.  I don’t sit and talk about my grief to people. I don’t like hugs, and I have very questionable thoughts about sympathy.

I was just starting to get back on my feet and my posts were becoming few and far between, along with my moments of feeling completely paralyzed by the loss of Corey.  I was, and still am in no way okay without him….but I was starting to live again.

Then….on February 10, 2013, only four and half months later…my Daddy, age 45 (four days after his birthday) suffered a massive heart attack and died. Once again, I got no warning. No preparation…and this time. I’m starting my grieving process at only about 50% strength.

I’ve lost half of my immediate family and the two most important men in my life in less than 6 months. I’m hateful.  I’m mad. I’m withdrawn. I’m most negative emotions.

I’m also blessed though.  I have literally the worlds greatest family. My Mommy, Uncles, Aunts, cousins…they’re amazing. I have friends that aren’t just friends…they’re my family too, and I have a community that I can feel standing behind me even though I’m screaming to be alone.

It’s all quite confusing to be honest….to be so broken..and so blessed…at the same time…but…it’s my life. Pitiful and glorious all at once.

February 1, 1988- September 21, 2012

February 1, 1988- September 21, 2012

February 6, 1968- February 10, 2013

February 6, 1968- February 10, 2013

12 thoughts on “Hi. I’m Corey Queen’s sister & Jeff Queen’s little girl.”

  1. Christine White said:

    Kelsey my heart goes out to you and your family. I never had brother but I have a sister and I could not imagine my life without her. nor could I imagine my life without my boys. I think about Corey daily and pray for you and your family daily . if you ever need anything please know I am here for you. I think it is awesome that you are doing this. always know that Corey is watching over you and he would be proud if you. R.I.P. you are missed by many people.

  2. I can’t find the words to express how truly sorry I am that Corey is gone. Growing up as close as we all were makes it hard on so many people. Even though we all grow up and move away from our small town we are all still like family and losing a part of that family is never easy. I use to love hearing Bub tell stories about Corey’s craziness and all the good times they had. When I found out about the accident it just broke my heart for you but i also kept thinking “what if that was my brother” and there is no way I could survive it. I think about you and your family so much and pray that God eases the pain. Corey was a part of so many families including mine. He is greatly loved and missed by so many and always will be. Please keep telling his story because it is so special. RIP Corey We will never forget that wonderful smile and contagious spirit that you shared with so many. Love you!

  3. Peggy Dingess said:

    My favorite memories of Corey are…Buffalo Wild Wings with Lisa when she was in the hospital. He told me to go home, I was exhausted but knew he had it under control. Pictionary in the kitchen with him n Lisa vs me n Sarah. Not sure who won, lol. Christmas Eves. His offer to hang my lights this year:). Making fried yellow squash at 1am when he showed me just how his mom made it. Ditching me n Sarah off the couch when they came home late, n waking up covered in baby powder. Being thrown in the pool. His advice to Sarah to wear cowboy boots the first day of school and making her try on his. Seeing him rub Lisa’s back as she acted like a biotch n just smiling where she couldn’t see him. Trying not to be mad when he laughed like crazy when Sarah fell off a horse. The Pioneer restuarant. The way he lit up this house when be came in n made us all smile. I know everyone else has the best stories to tell. He was special to everyone who knew him. Don’t have a single memory that doesn’t make me smile.  I feel blessed that he was part of our lives.

  4. Justin N Georgina Lowe said:

    We will always love corey with all are hearts n will miss him forever. Kelsey you n ur mom have been thru a crazy few months together, u guys are the strongest women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and will only get stronger. If you all ever need anythang y’all can get ahold of us n we will b there asap!!! Jus want u guys to no that we are always here thanking bout u all n will do anythang to help u all get thru anythang u need help with love u guys

  5. They both live in you and through you, remember that. Cherish all the memories.
    I lost my brother 3 yrs ago this Aug, at the hands of someone. I dont think there is healing, I just feel loss, and so much pain.
    You gave me strength, just being able to read that your able to put your grief in words.
    I have a daughter….and now my life is to just be the best mommy…
    and I will.

    Thank you..be strong

  6. Christin said:

    Hi, my name is Christin, and I lost my 18 year old brother in a single car accident a little over a week ago. I came to your site so that I could see how other sisters out there deal with the loss, because I don’t know anyone that has lost a brother. Your bravery in relaying raw emotion is so admirable, and I believe it will encourage me throughout the next few years. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your brother and father. I am deeply worried now that I have lost my sweet little Connor that I am also going to lose my father (he has very high blood pressure). Seeing your survival gives me hope and strength. Thank you for sharing.

    • I hope that I can be of some help to you. I am so sorry for your loss. That sickening moment when I got the call about Corey’s accident will forever be the single worst moment of my life.

      I know it doesn’t seem in any way possible that this will get easier. And despite what people say, the pain doesn’t lessen. It never gets “easier” to live without our brothers. But…I’ve learned that it becomes containable. For so long I was spilling over with heartache. There was nothing I could do to contain my hysterics….what time has given me is the ability hold it in, the ability to put it off and wait until a set time to scream and kick and cry.

      To some people, that doesn’t seem like much…but to people like us…who have felt absolute devastation…the ability not to fall to pieces and cry in the middle of day to day tasks is the only way to survive.

      You’ll get there.

      If you need to just ramble about your brother, which you will, and if you don’t have anyone to ramble to..remember me. I’d love to swap Connor/Corey stories with you.

  7. Shyla Brown said:

    I am so sorry for your loss 😦 I lost my brother and our Best Friend on Thanksgiving night November 26th 2009. A drunk driver hit them going 100 mps as they were about to pull into our driveway. I had just pulled into the driveway minutes before them and were waiting for them to get home and so i had to witness it…The impact was so great that my brother died immediately and our best friend Jeremy died from the fire that the impact caused, We couldnt get him out. My brother Tommy had just turned 22 the month prior and Jeremy had just turned 20 the month prior. The drunk driver already had 4 offenses and was double the legal drinking limit. Jeremys birthday is the 22nd of this month and Tommys is the 28th of this month. It has been longer for me than it has been for you but it doesnt get any easier for me..in fact i think it gets harder… it took me 2 years to live again and the reason was because i had my first son after i was told i would possible not be able to conceive. But i miss them every single day and hate that i never got a chance to say Good Bye. I wish sometimes they were ahead of me and i was the one hit. My brother had so much good in him and didnt deserve to go that way, neither did Jeremy. I hate how Tommy will never get the chance to hug his nieces and nephews.. I have so many things i wish i could of told him. I spend a lot of time trying to hold everything in… Tommy and I lived together with my boyfriend at the time (he is now my husband and the week before my brother passed Tommy was the only one he told he was proposing) and after my brother passed we moved the next month..I couldnt be there anymore….

    With both losses i am truly sorry.

    If you ever need to talk dont hesitate to email (Shylarochelle@gmail.com)

  8. I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother and father. I’m also grieving my brothers death as well. Matt, my brother, was 22 and committed suicide the day after thanksgiving of 2012. I’ve learned that there are stages of grief and everyone goes through it in their own way. I believe I was in denial and shock for a while. My father and I found my brother in the woods in his truck but I never would let it sink in. I’ve never felt such pain. I’ve come to the point of recognizing my grief and knowing I’m ready for help. I went to a “grief share” meeting this week at a local church and it was very moving. Our lives will never be “normal”. But we can learn to live with our grief and work through it with help of our family friends or alone. Whatever’s best for you! Please feel free to email me anytime you would like to talk. Mirandakgaines@gmail.com

    You’re in my prayers,

    Miranda Gaines

  9. I am so sorry for your losses. I am also in that aweful place after loosing my Sister. Ironically Brittany was also 24 years old and died suddenly in a car wreck this past Augest. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  10. Brittany Malone said:

    I am so relieved to find this blog. Please keep writing. Ill keep following. My brother died at 24 after being electrocuted by a welding machine. I miss him so much I can’t stand it some days. Knowing someone understands my pain makes me feel less alone in this world.

  11. Stephanie said:

    I lost my brother Oct-11-2009. I just found your blog, I plan to go through and read every entry. I have been struggling and often feel alone and so different from all of my friends. My friend lost her mom but I just feel as though she doesn’t understand. My brother was 27 and died after falling asleep at the wheel. I never had the chance to say goodbye to him, only his body. I feel reading your blog will make me feel less alone. Thank you for this.

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